


Unconditionally

by YulianaHenderson



Category: Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)
Genre: M/M, Soft Thrawn, because as y'all know i love to write him like that, mah bois are just soft in general, old age will do that to a person, ten years of separation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:35:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28709046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YulianaHenderson/pseuds/YulianaHenderson
Summary: Thrawn had always felt that Eli Vanto meant more to him than he was telling himself. When they get separated when Eli goes to the Ascendancy, he is suddenly forced to recognize these feelings, but he knows it's too late. Or is it...? Perhaps Thrass has some tricks up his sleeve?
Relationships: Thrawn | Mitth'raw'nuruodo/Eli Vanto
Comments: 5
Kudos: 36





	Unconditionally

**Author's Note:**

> So this story is just ridiculous so if you don't read it, I won't blame you honestly, but I loved writing it and voila! Please enjoy this little nonsense!

Mitth'raw'nuruodo hadn't had a lot of friends in the past. He wasn't asocial, per se, but he was what people called introverted, and appreciated his time spent alone. Even then, if he  _ did _ want to hang out with people, they generally didn't like hanging out with  _ him _ .

Which was mostly alright. He had made peace with that. He accepted the fact that he was more of a solitary person and that he wasn't really accepted by his community - his views didn't line up with theirs, which was part of why they exiled him, he knew. (The public reason was so that he could find out more about the Empire, but he knew they didn't feel the slightest bit guilty about sending him off like that.)

He'd had one good friend his whole life, Eli Vanto, and had genuinely appreciated his kindness and attention. There were cultural aspects that made it so both were unsure what was common with each other, so they simply settled somewhere in the middle. Eli gave him all the space he needed, but let him know whenever Thrawn felt bad that he would be there for him, if necessary. Eli had never judged him, had never been mean to him, had never discriminated against him or excluded him.

Eli was Thrawn's only friend, but he still knew Eli was a  _ good _ friend to have. He wished he could be the same for Eli, but alas, there always had to be something to mess up what little happiness he had.

Mostly, it had been the Ascendancy, and the everlasting threat against his people, especially from the Grysks. Eli had turned out to be exactly what the Ascendancy needed to come closer to a way of beating them, but it had meant letting go of the human.

It was only then that Thrawn realized just what Eli had meant to him, and had been forced to recognize the feelings he had been harboring for him all this time. By then, it was, of course, too late. 

Years passed by; Thrawn's position with the Empire had been threatened numerous times during those years. Of course, he was a Grand Admiral, so it was only natural for those below him to be jealous of him, and try whatever they could to get him demoted. Add in the fact that he was an alien, and it was simply a recipe for disaster.

He realized after Eli's departure that he had gotten used to having him around. He found that he was saying something to the human, which would have made him smile or think about their predicament, and it would almost always lead to a breakthrough. Now, he said it, and looked to his side, only to find he was looking at the empty air beside him. He would simply take in an inaudible, yet deep breath, and continue with his own internal deliberations. 

He had taken for granted the many times Eli had smiled at him, teased him a little, whenever he could. He missed the way Eli's comforting hand would sometimes land on Thrawn's upper arm whenever he wasn't feeling well. 

He didn't realize what it was that he felt for the human until much later, when he was laying in his bed alone, like he had for his entire life - he suddenly remembered hearing the soft breathing of Eli in the bed above him, or the soothing sounds of Eli moving around in the room next door. He realized, he had felt more for him than friends did, and suddenly felt longing bubble up inside him. 

What he wouldn't give to simply look at Eli one more time, to see that beautiful face of his, that full, luscious hair, those expressive brown eyes. 

But he recognized that it was too little, too late, and had to file Eli under 'the one that got away', as the saying went in Basic. 

It was about ten years later, when Thrawn had been invited to this banquet on Csilla, hosted by his brother Thrass, when he realized how much he had changed after spending over a decade in another culture - and, incidentally, also how much Csilla had changed since he had left, considering he hadn't been back there in years. He was suddenly aware of the fact that he didn't really fit in anywhere anymore: the Empire had never really accepted him in the first place, and was at the best of times rather xenophobic; but Csilla had developed too, beyond recognition, and he wasn't sure he could fit in there, either. The knowledge made him feel… rather sad. Like he had lost his place in the world, wherever it had been.

"Brother!" Thrass exclaimed gleefully when he spotted Thrawn, and enveloped one of his hands with both of his in a kind greeting. They hadn't seen each other in years, either. Thrawn hadn't expected him to be so… outgoing, he supposed, in meeting each other. "How have you been?"

"I have been faring well."

Thrass took one look at his baby brother and saw right through him. Yet rather than bring down the mood, he simply put a hand on his shoulder and guided him towards the main table, where he was expected to be seated. 

"I have much to tell you, brother. But first, eat some. You look famished. Have you eaten since we last met?"

Thrawn didn't respond to any of his comments, and simply let himself be led. Thrass basically pushed him into a chair and put both his hands on his shoulders.

"I will return in a moment. Stay right here."

It wasn't really like Thrawn had anywhere else to go, not on this planet, anyway. He looked down at his plate and saw his name written there in Cheunh, and seeing the language written there made him feel even more homesick. He took in a deep breath, let it out on a sigh, and then looked back up.

Oh.  _ Oh _ .

"Hello, Mitth'raw'nuruodo."

There had always been only one non-Chiss who was capable of pronouncing his full name flawlessly, and it had always amazed the Chiss greatly. However,  Thrawn was incapable of rational thought for so long he wondered if he would ever think straight again. He had expected to see some familiar faces here, but he hadn't expected  _ this _ .

"Eli Vanto."

The human smiled at him, in that coy, yet kind way he always had. There were a few lines next to his eyes now, and some extra lines between his brows, but otherwise he was still the same human he had known over a decade ago. The sight replenished him, gave him new strength, and made him smile before he could truly stop the movement. 

And just like that, he came to a full realization of what Eli had been to him all these years. Eli had been his best friend, and Thrawn would even go as far as to call him his soulmate. He had been in love with him for most of their acquaintance, he just hadn't allowed himself to put those words on his feelings. 

But now, it was clear to him. While taking in the man sitting across from him, he suddenly felt lightheaded, his heart fluttered inside his chest, and he was simply speechless. 

He hadn't seen Eli in over ten years. How was it possible that he still felt this way?

"How are you doing?" Eli asked, his voice soft and that smile still on his beautiful face. Thrawn didn't know what to say, couldn't reach the part of his brain that stored vocabularies, for none of the languages he spoke. He simply looked at Eli, silently, with a small smile on his lips. 

Eli wasn't fazed at all. He tilted his head just slightly, seemingly amused by Thrawn's reaction, and then fell silent, too.

Thrass chose that moment to sit down beside Thrawn and say utter nonsense that had nothing to do with Thrawn's reunion with Eli. The younger Chiss was too polite, however, to tell his brother off about it, so he was stuck sitting at the table with his brother who wouldn't stop talking, and Eli Vanto who was sitting comfortably and somehow entertained across from them.

Thrawn stole occasional looks at Eli, and decided that everything he found of the human was pleasing to his eye, just like it had been when they had last seen each other. Thrawn had aged, more than a Chiss should, and was sporting gray hairs that he hadn't bothered fighting because he wasn't that vain - at least, he didn't have a reason to be. But Eli, on the other hand, aside from the few little lines, seemed to look exactly the same. And Thrawn felt himself falling hopelessly in love again, which he knew was ridiculous and would only end in pain and embarrassment, but he couldn't stop his heart from taking that course. 

They didn't get any opportunity to talk again for the entire evening, for just as Thrass took his absence to talk with somebody he recognized, someone sat down beside Eli and took up his attention. 

That was when Thrawn's stupid heart started thinking rationally. It had been ten years since they had last seen each other. Eli Vanto was a kind, compassionate person, who liked being surrounded by people he respected and cared about, and it was therefore highly likely he had found himself new friends. Thrawn wouldn't even put it past the human if he was seeing someone, for a lot could happen in a decade - well, except for Mitth'raw'nuruodo. 

Thrawn looked at the human's hands when he talked to the Chiss beside him, and noticed no ring of sorts, which he knew from independent research often indicated a relationship with humans. Could still be that anything he had going on just hadn't reached that stage yet. 

Thrawn wanted the best for Eli, and there wasn't even a 'but' in that thought. If Eli had found someone, and Thrawn thought that very likely, the human deserved that more than anyone he had ever met. Eli deserved to be loved and taken care of.

Thrawn stood to leave the hall, searching for his brother to thank him for his hospitality, and intended on returning to his temporary sleeping quarters. He noticed someone standing beside him, however, when he stood outside.

It was such a familiar presence that Thrawn almost cried out - he had had the human by his side for many years, as his aide and eventually his friend, and he'd had to miss that for a decade.

"Are you alright, Thrawn?" Eli asked, and he put that hand on his upper arm again, and the Chiss finally turned around and looked him straight in the eye. That's when Thrawn  _ knew _ , knew that he'd been in love with Eli Vanto for almost fifteen years and doubted he could ever fall out of love, no matter what feelings Eli reciprocated. 

"It's very nice to see you, Eli."

Eli smiled that wonderful grin of his and Thrawn returned it full force.

"Likewise. You still haven't answered my question, though."

"I am fine, Eli."

"Just fine?"

Thrawn nodded. He didn't want to bother Eli too much in disclosing his feelings, even if he knew that despite whatever they had going on, the human would listen with rapt attention and be genuinely kind like that.

Eli started walking and Thrawn followed, and they ended up outside the large mansion but out of view of passersby, and mostly in the dark.

They stood facing each other, the human very much visible in the infrared of Thrawn's eyes, and he could see Eli was still smiling that relaxed smile, his hands now shoved in his pockets, and his eyes looking at him, as if he was taking in the Chiss much like Thrawn had done with him earlier.

"Your brother is right. You look like you haven't eaten anything in ten years."

Thrawn couldn't help but grin at that, for no reason whatsoever. He hadn't been doing well for years now and he had refused to face the truth of that because he knew he wouldn't be able to climb out of that rabbit hole if he went down there. But Eli, not even trying to sugarcoat what Thrawn's appearance was, felt familiar and sent warmth throughout his chest.

It felt like nothing had changed. Like they hadn't been apart for over ten years with zero communication.

"We have not seen each other in a decade and all you can give me is verbal abuse?"

Eli rolled his eyes with a smile. "What else did you expect?"

They found a bench nearby and sat down there, talking about whatever had happened to them in the past decade. Eli had gotten promotion after promotion within the Ascendancy before realizing that he wasn't quite happy in that position anymore. He was now a teacher at the local primary school, teaching Basic - Thrawn realized even more how Csilla had changed since he'd left. The Chiss he knew would never have stooped so low to learn Basic.

Thrawn wanted to ask him so many other questions but knew they were inappropriate, so he just let Eli talk about his love for these little kids he was teaching, and Thrawn could tell how much he enjoyed what he was doing. 

Eli had never quite gotten used to the cold, either. He was a true 'summer child', as Eli had called himself once, having grown up on a warm planet like Lysatra, and his biology just wasn't quite made for Csilla, where all the habitable areas were covered with a near permanent layer of ice and snow. 

Thrawn liked seeing the flush to Eli's cheek as his body was trying to compensate for the cold. He had to look away not to get lost in that sight.

Eli had gotten along with Thrass surprisingly well, given how much of a pain the Chiss could be sometimes. It had been Thrass who had managed to get him a position at the school, after he had admitted that he felt… rather choked up within the Ascendancy. It was also Thrass who had provided him with a spacious apartment. The place had been modified just enough to accommodate a human, which mostly meant that there was an advanced heating system installed to make sure the human didn't succumb to hypothermia. 

"Thrawn?"

"Yes, Eli?"

"Why did you never call me?"

Thrawn frowned then, completely caught up in the recap of Eli's life thus far and unable to make the switch to the more serious topic that Eli had introduced. 

"What do you mean, Eli?"

Eli sighed, pushed his hands deeper into his pockets, and looked around them for a while, as if to gather his own thoughts, before looking back at him.

"I thought we were friends, you know? I kept waiting for a phone call, just anything. Just a sign of life, I guess."

"I did not want to interfere in your duties."

"Right."

They were silent again for a long time after that. Their effortless conversation from earlier was gone now - instead, Thrawn could feel tension in the air. He wanted to go back to how they had been talking a few minutes ago.

"Thrawn, there have been a few things I have come to realize over the years. First, you're terrible at communicating, but we knew that already. Two, your brother wants nothing but the best for you. And three, I'm in love with you."

Thrawn had had a retort ready for the first two points, but it was the last one that rendered him speechless. He was certain he hadn't heard it correctly; he had had some pleasant dreams of Eli over the years, and a lot of them had involved just this, the two of them sitting together in a quiet part of the galaxy and talking for seemingly ages.

But the look on Eli's face as he looked away, almost as if to avoid Thrawn's eyes, made the Chiss realize that this wasn't a dream, and that this was real. Dream-Eli hadn't told him things like this, and he had certainly never forced his own eyes away from Thrawn's.

"Eli…"

"I know, I know. It's stupid. You're the most unavailable being I have ever met. But… you know, being apart from you has really made me realize how I feel about you. And I know it's too late now, we're well past that state, but… I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. And when you sat down in front of me earlier tonight, I just…" Eli sighed, lowered his eyes, but then looked up again - he was smiling, but there were tears in his eyes, too. "Gods, Thrawn. I really thought I was over it. If anything, my feelings have only increased. I know you don't feel the same way, or feel much of anything at all, and I respect that. I just… feel like I needed to have said that, to get it off my chest, you know?"

"What makes you think that?"

"I don't want to spend another ten years regretting I never told you how I feel."

Thrawn waved his hand in a dismissal. "No, I mean, what makes you think I do not feel the same way?"

Eli frowned, and waved his hand in front of Thrawn, up and down, as if that was all the evidence he needed.

"We both know how you work, Thrawn. Or at least, I do. You don't really do feelings and I've known that pretty much since we first met."

"I  _ do  _ feel things, Eli. At least, I very much do now. And I feel the same way about you as you do about me."

"Wait… what?"

"I have been thinking for the past ten years about you, about us. You were my best friend,  _ are _ my best friend. Yet I have also come to the conclusion that I am in love with  _ you _ ."

They sat in silence for what must have been a few minutes, but felt like hours. They both avoided eye contact for a while, but definitely felt the other beside them. It was Eli who looked back to Thrawn eventually. 

"Are you serious, Thrawn?"

"Of course, Eli. I have no intention of hurting you. I would not have told you if I was not certain."

Eli let out the breath he was holding and looked ahead of himself again. Thrawn's eyes remained on the human, and saw how a sweet smile spread on those lips.

"Wow. I, uh… I don't know what to say."

"Perhaps we… don't have to say anything."

Eli looked at Thrawn with an amused look on his face, and the Chiss finally allowed his feelings to take over his chest. Kriff, he was so in love with this man.

"Oh?"

"Yes. Can I kiss you, Eli?"

Eli didn't answer verbally, but instead leaned in with a bright smile and slowly, tenderly kissed him, a hand in his neck just underneath his ear, and Thrawn practically melted - for the first time in his life. He had never felt this way, ever, or he would have remembered it. Eli’s smile didn’t fade while their lips brushed softly against each other.

The kiss was sweet, gentle, showcasing exactly what they felt for each other. When they pulled away, they simply looked at each other and smiled. Why had this taken them so long, when it felt this good to be together?

"I, uh…" Eli stuttered, averting his eyes briefly. Then his eyes widened. "Oh, kriff, I just remembered. I have a work appointment. I, uh… can I see you later?"

Thrawn reached for Eli's hand and brushed the top of it. 

"Yes."

"Okay."

They both stood and looked at each other, smiles spreading on both their faces. Thrawn stepped close and leaned down to kiss Eli's lips again, feeling how the human put his hands on Thrawn's chest, and sighing in bliss. 

Eli smiled at him as he walked away, and Thrawn looked after him until he was well out of sight. He sat down and clasped his hands together, noticing only briefly that they were shaking, and sat in silence for probably hours, trying to register what had just happened. 

Had he really just admitted to Eli Vanto that he was in love with him? Had he really just kissed Eli? Was this all a dream? It had to be. It couldn't possibly be real.

"Well, finally," Thrass said when he came inside in the early morning hours. The older Chiss was already up, or perhaps he hadn't gone to bed, either.

“I was not out for that long.”

“That was not what I was talking about.”

Thrawn frowned but didn’t give Thrass more attention than he deserved. He was still peeved at keeping Thrawn from talking to Eli more at the table, even if it had allowed him to shamelessly stare at the human for most of the evening. Thrass, however, didn’t let him leave when Thrawn was about to return to his sleeping quarters.

“I suggest you turn left at the end of the corridor. Second door on the right.”

Thrawn looked briefly over his shoulder, and watched Thrass turn around, not in time to hide his smug grin. Thrawn frowned even deeper but continued up the stairs, only now feeling how tiredness was slowly seeping into his bones. He turned right, towards his own room, and had his hand on the doorknob, before he looked down the hall into the direction Thrass had spoken of.

Could it be… but Thrawn couldn’t possibly dare to expect…

He was curious. And tired. And just really giddy, too.

He knocked on the door and waited for a while, getting no response. He supposed that was alright, the man was probably asleep, as he should. Thrawn knew the biological clock of humans worked differently than that of the Chiss, they needed a solid six hours a night at the very least, otherwise they wouldn’t be able to function properly. Thrawn could do with two, perhaps three, and some nights, he just simply dozed. He had liked laying in his bunk and listening to Eli sleeping, and it had been enough rest for him.

The door opened and a sleepy Eli appeared, hair tousled, eyes half-closed, but when they landed on Thrawn, they widened immediately. They were silent as they looked at each other, and Thrawn supposed he could feel the nerves in his lower stomach. Eli had every right to turn him down, it had been ten years after all, and for all Thrawn knew, he was not  _ that _ interested in Thrawn after all.

"I couldn't wait," Thrawn admitted sheepishly. 

Eli smiled and opened the door a little more, and Thrawn’s nerves melted off of him. His smile matched Eli’s when he stepped inside, closed the door behind him and cupped both Eli’s cheeks firmly, kissing him deeply.

Thrawn was pretty sure he had lost his mind sometime during the night, purely from spending it inside Eli's arms.

~...~

Thrawn was supposed to have left Csilla the next day to resume his duties with the Empire, but as soon as he had opened his eyes that morning, he had realized he couldn't possibly leave just yet.

He ran a hand through the wild, luscious brown locks that were tickling his face and he knew, he would give up anything and everything that was left for him to give up so that he could stay with this man for a little longer.

He called in to his crew to let them know he would stay a little longer - nobody cared, he found that out soon enough. 

He spent a few days with Eli, and they were the best days of his life, even if Eli had to work during the day.

After only three days, Thrawn realized he couldn't really picture himself leaving this planet at all, not if Eli was still here. How could he possibly step aboard his shuttle to return to his boring life, trying to enforce the rules of an Emperor he revered but didn't always agree with, all the while leaving Eli Vanto on this cold planet all by himself?

He wrapped Eli into his arms on the third day, heart melting when the human smiled brightly up at him. 

No.

He couldn't leave. He had to stay here, with Eli, no matter where that was. 

"Eli," Thrawn whispered, pulling away slightly so he could lean his forehead against Eli's. "Eli, I…"

"I know," Eli replied, his voice soft. Eli brushed his cheek. "Let's not think about that."

He supposed Eli was right. It wasn't quite like he was able to think about it further anyway, because Eli stood on his tiptoes and kissed him, pushing him towards a nearby chair and pushing him down. Eli straddled his lap and wrapped his arms around his neck. 

Later at night, when Thrawn slipped out of Eli's arms and quietly tiptoed to the refresher, his eyes landed on his Imperial uniform which he had folded neatly upon his arrival, before he had changed into his Csillan civilian clothes. He forgot all about his initial goal and just looked at that sight for a moment.

He knew where he stood on things. He knew how he felt about Eli, what he wanted for the both of them. He wasn't sure where Eli stood, although he had hopes. To think about putting on this uniform again, to board his shuttle towards the  _ Chimaera  _ and resume his duties… his stomach started hurting suddenly and he had to take in a deep breath.

Thrawn had always lived for duty - it was the only thing he had. He didn't have friends, his family didn't necessarily care about him, so his ambition had always been at the forefront of things. It had never occurred to him to not follow orders, to abandon what was expected of him and do something incredibly selfish. He had never had a reason for it.

He heard Eli turn in his sleep, inhaling deeply and letting it go slowly. His heart had already made his decision.

He put on a shirt and pants and left the room, setting out to get some fresh air but meeting his older brother on his way there. 

Thrass had seen right through Thrawn the moment they had seen each other again. Thrass knew him better than anyone else, perhaps even better than Eli did, and knew what Eli had unleashed within Thrawn.

"Walk with me, brother."

They sat down on the very bench where Thrawn had had his first kiss with Eli only days before. Thrass looked at him intently, then looked ahead of him before speaking.

"I know how you feel about the human, brother."

Well, of course. Thrass had been far from inconspicuous about his suspicions concerning his feelings for Eli. He had essentially tricked him into reuniting without his knowledge - at least, without Thrawn’s knowledge. Thrawn had thought he was able to keep it a secret but of course he couldn’t fool his brother.

“What are you thinking about?” Thrass asked, voice uncharacteristically soft. “What is your plan?”

“I don’t have one.”

Thrass seemed surprised by this - Mitth’raw’nuruodo  _ always _ had a plan for  _ everything _ , he never went blindly into a battle, he always knew every single angle. The idea that on a topic as important as this, because it was important, Thrawn would have no plan, was inconceivable.

“You love the human, yes?”

“I love Eli, correct.”

“And you want to be with him?”

“Yes.”

“Then what are you hesitating for?”

Thrawn looked at his brother, wondering what brought him to talk about feelings like this, something they never used to do.

“I have a duty with the Empire.”

“Alright. What would you give to be with Eli?”

Thrawn swallowed, but it did nothing to relieve the feelings that were raging in his chest. 

“Anything.”

“What would you give to return to the Empire?”

And there was the kicker, as Eli would probably say. That was the real question, and he had asked himself that one, too. Hearing it from Thrass somehow made it more real.

He would give anything to be with Eli, he would give up whatever there was to give up, even if it could only last for ten minutes. 

Would he do the same to still be a part of the Empire? He knew the answer already.

“You are always welcome on Csilla, you know that, brother.”

“I cannot release my duty with the Empire.”

“Why not?”

“Because… because I do it for us. For our people. I intend on finding a way to get the Empire to aid us should we need it.”

“That’s admirable indeed, but I highly doubt that the Empire would cooperate the way you want them to. Don’t get me wrong - I know the Empire could prove a valuable asset against possible enemies. But I don’t want you to throw your life away for this Emperor you claim you dedicated your life to. I have seen how unhappy you have been, for most of your life. When you met the human, I got some hope… I didn’t know what yet for. I could tell he was special to you, and considering nobody has been able to unleash sentiments like that in you, ever, I saw it as my personal duty to keep him safe when you sent him here. I didn’t stop him from living his life, not at all, but he had made it clear that he had zero interest in mingling with his peers here. It didn’t take me long to realize that he shared your feelings, and neither of you had any clue whatsoever. When you responded to my invitation, I made sure you would see each other again. Perhaps it would coax you into moving on, but I’m happy to have noticed you doing the opposite. Am I correct, little brother, in surmising that you have entered a sexual, perhaps even a romantic relationship with the human?”

Thrawn didn’t respond, but he supposed he didn’t have to.

“I have never seen you like this. Eli has awakened a part of you that was unfamiliar even to me. I can’t make your decisions for you, and I don’t wish to do so, either. All I can do is state what my opinion is, and that is that Eli Vanto makes you happy unlike anyone ever was capable of doing, and you would be an idiot to pass up the opportunity to be with him. Screw the Empire, brother. What have they ever done for you?”

Thrawn looked at his brother for seemingly ages, unable to think and feel anything for a while. They had grown up together, but neither had talked about their feelings at all in their past. And neither had made decisions for the other without prompting, the only notable exception when Thrass had secured both of them a position in the Mitth family.

Thrawn looked down at his own hands, always steady, always resolute - now, they were shaking.

“Eli loves you too, brother. I know he does. You two bring out the best in each other. Can’t believe I would ever say this about you, but… he makes you a decent man. Don’t be stupid, Thrawn, don’t be an idiot. Don’t give this up.”

Thrawn thought of Eli, smiling brightly at him, whispering words of admiration into Thrawn’s ear… making him smile, making him all weak and mushy inside…

He stood and practically ran back to his room and found Eli in mostly the same position as he had left him a while ago. The human had noticed the door opening noisily and was stirring slightly, before dark brown eyes blinked up at him sleepily.

“Thrawn? What’s wrong?”

Thrawn slipped into the bed and gathered Eli into his trembling arms.

“Thrawn... Thrawn, you’re shaking, what happened?”

“Eli, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I had thought about returning to my duty, it is all I’ve known for so long. But being with you like this… finally giving in to the feelings I’ve held in for so many years, has made me realize what it is I truly want, and that is to be with you. I understand if you do not feel the same way, or if you don’t want the same thing… but…”

“Thrawn… just stop talking.”

The Chiss looked at the human in fear, afraid he had said something wrong. Admittedly, he hadn’t said anything regarding his own feelings in so many words, ever, and Eli knew that. Thrawn didn’t want to ruin this, it meant too much to him.

“When did you start talking so much?” Eli’s voice was light and there was a slight smile on his lips.

“I… my brother may be guilty in that, too.”

Eli chuckled and brushed Thrawn’s cheek. “Okay, so back up. What is it you wanted to say?”

“I love you.”

Eli smiled. “That’s good. I love you, too.”

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Even better. I want the same thing.”

Thrawn’s chest practically exploded with happiness and he was incapable of keeping a smile off his face. 

“Really?”

“Thrawn… I’ve spent ten years without you. They were the worst years of my life. The past three days, I have been the happiest I’ve ever been. There’s nothing I would want more than to be with you, I am certain. I’m certain of us, of you by my side. I love you, Thrawn. I love you so damn much.”

To emphasize his words, Eli kissed him deeply, heating up their positions until Thrawn was certain there would be no more talking for a while. But then, Eli pulled away just slightly.

“What did Thrass say, by the way?”

"I fail to see the relevance of that at this moment."

"Right."

Eli’s eyes sparkled with amusement but didn’t pry any further. Thrawn kissed him and wrapped an arm tighter around him.

“I bet he called you an idiot,” Eli said when he got a few seconds where their faces weren’t melted together. 

“He did, yes.”

“Quite right, too.”

Thrawn couldn’t help but laugh because Eli was right - he had been an idiot. How could he have possibly lived without him for so long? Without ever having admitted their feelings for each other? Wait…

“You’re an idiot, too.”

“Yes I am, and I’m not proud of it, but we’re no longer idiots now.”

Thrawn kissed Eli again, overcome with his own emotions, and finding no reluctance from Eli to return the kiss, deepened it. 

When he held his lover in his arms much later, both out of breath, on the edge of sleep again, he felt there was still something that needed to be said.

“I will not be returning to the Imperial Navy,” Thrawn whispered, brushing that very stubborn curl out of Eli’s face where it had fallen with their exertion. Eli’s eyes closed briefly, Thrawn could tell he was tired, but that didn’t seem to stop the human.

“Hmm.”

“If I return, I will lose you. I cannot let that happen.”

Eli’s eyes opened and they were as clear as day. Thrawn was barely surprised to find his entire future in them.

“Then don’t. Stay with me.”

Eli never ordered him around. But this was one order Thrawn could not resist to follow. 


End file.
